We've all got an old clunker in our lives. Some ancient piece of noisy, dust-ridden, grubby stuff that was quite attractive when you first met but now seems an embarrassing reminder of what you used to think was cool. You may also have an old PC. While we can't help with many of your lifestyle mistakes, we're at hand on this one. Here are ten ideas to keep geriatric technology useful for just that little bit longer.
1. Firewall for your home network
Pros: Marks you out as a true geek, very cheap, very effective, good way to learn Linux. Cons: Marks you out as a true geek. Good way to learn Linux. You'll have to find somewhere to put it where the wheezing fans won't drive the entire house to distraction, and if you've got a house that big then what do you care about saving fifty quid like this?
2. Futuristic pygmy shrew adventure playground
Imagine how fantastic it would be if PCs were forty feet high, and the components as big as cars! Well, that's how a real PC looks to your favourite pygmy shrew. The cooling fans are fairground rides; the power supply a handy hiding place and the expansion slots the perfect place to practice gerbil dressage. Handy hint: don't plug the PC in while shrew or other small rodent is in residence. How many volts jolt a vole? Not a lot.
3. Sound to light machine
Slide the deflection coils off the base of the CRT in your monitor -- keep them connected to the electronics within, and tie them out of the way on a chassis somewhere. Slide a second set -- disconnected -- onto the tube, and wire these to a stereo amplifier. Turn on. Chill. Warning: this can kill you if you don't know what you're doing.
4. Sandcastle mould for model PC World-shaped sandcastles
Ever noticed how PC Worlds are enormous great sheds that might almost be -- shock -- huge PC cases? No coincidence. Fill an old PC case with sand, turf it out onto the beach, and watch the queues form.
5. Fishtank
Computers with integrated monitors are best for this -- the classic is the original Mac. Remove all internal gubbins, seal up holes in case with rubber sealant. Affix Perspex window to hole where monitor was. Fill with water. Fill with fish. Note: latest screen savers look photorealistic and thus allow exactly the same effect without the mess, yet maintaining PC functionality. But you will need to wait a couple of years until the latest PCs are thoroughly obsolete.
6. Garage fun
7. Make money
8. Go retro
9. Busk
10. Stress relief device
