NBN - Everything you need to know about the National Broadband Network

Surprise group wins $4.7bn NBN deal

Note: This story was an April Fools' Day joke. The NBN winner is expected to be announced next week.

The Federal Government has awarded its $4.7 billion National Broadband Network contract to a secretive consortium backed by the wealthy Packer and Murdoch families.

Steven Conroy

Stephen Conroy (Credit: Suzanne Tindal/ZDNet.com.au)

It was crucial that we awarded this contract to players with strong commercial experience in the Australian telecommunications market

Communications Minister Stephen Conroy

The group, led by heirs Lachlan Murdoch and James Packer, also has close links with Optus and plans to build a fibre-to-the-home National Broadband Network to service 100 per cent of the population and compete strongly with Telstra. The deal was announced by Communications Minister Stephen Conroy at a Canberra press conference this morning.

"It was crucial that we awarded this contract to players with strong commercial experience in the Australian telecommunications market," Conroy said. "Messrs Murdoch and Packer have the capital to back their bid, with technical backing coming from Optus and a strong management team already in place."

Conroy said work on the new network would begin immediately, with 100Mbps speeds to be delivered to some homes in metropolitan areas by the end of 2008. "As we promised during the election, we're bringing high-speed broadband to Australia," he said.

The deal leaves rival bidders like Acacia, Acia Netmedia and smaller players out in the cold, although Optus will retain a line-in to the funding courtesy of its relationship with the surprise consortium. The SingTel subsidiary will take a small stake in the new Packer/Murdoch giant.

Speaking alongside Conroy in Canberra, Packer said the group had headhunted well-known technology executive and entrepreneur Jodee Rich to lead the new consortium, which would be known as "One.Tel". Fellow Australian technology luminary Brad Keeling will act as the executive team's liaison with its board.

"They're visionaries, they're excellent managers and they've kept the share price up for all the companies that they've managed," said Packer.

Packer said it wasn't only the consortium's business expertise but also its revolutionary business model that would entice customers on to the new broadband network.

"Their staff are going to stand around on Bondi Beach with a bunch of application forms and pay people $10 to sign up," he said. "There won't be any access fees to the network, no minimum spend, and there won't be any fixed term, so of course there won't be any way of ensuring that these customers will stay with the network, except for great and innovative marketing techniques that will attract the high-spending Generation Y demographic."

The fledgling company has established a new office in downtown Sydney.

"They've got this massive fracking fishtank with live lobsters in it and a new pastel paint scheme that's out of this world," said Packer. "Not only that, but they've hired 2,000 British backpackers to staff the state-of-the-art call centre and a crack squad of social media experts who are remunerated on a pay-per-Twitter basis."

The Dude (Credit: Universal Studios)

Murdoch told ZDNet.com.au by telephone that One.Tel had hired a design firm to create a new mascot for the company.

"It's this guy they call 'The Dude'," he said. "I've never smoked marijuana, but if I was planning to inhale, this would be the guy I would want by my side. He's got long hair, a laid-back attitude and the bloodshot eyes that will position our brand image perfectly in the marketplace."

Conroy expressed confidence in the future of the Federal Government's relationship with the company. "I've got no doubt they'll safeguard our assets and deliver a strong return on our investment," he said.

According to insider reports, one bidder pipped at the post for the lucrative NBN contract was popular ISP Dodo. Text leaked from Dodo's NBN submission show some of founder Larry Kestleman's strategy: "We are a 'can-do' communications company — hence the name, 'Dodo'."

Kestleman was also planning to introduce technology that would make it easier to reach customers deep in the bush; technology he referred to in the submission as "Deep Dodo".

Happy April Fools day: Did you fall for our story?

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Talkback 29 comments

    This is hilarious I love it ! Anonymous -- 01/04/09

    Happy April fools day all. Although I can't help but wonder how close to the mark this will be from the real farce which has become the Conroy NBN & Internet Filter comedy show.

    Love your work. Keep it up fellas :-)

    Further to add Aussiesrus.com.au -- 01/04/09 (in reply to #320127394)

    Conroy is also expected to announce that Kevin Rudd has signed a landmark purchase of 42,000 klms of number 9 twine while in china to complete the rollout of Australia's NBN. He is urging all australians to buy a beer can to upgrade their modems. "This will bring Australia well into the 18th Century like my knowledge of the internet" Explained Conroy at a press conference late last night.

    In late breaking news Kevin Rudd has secured Australia's internet final filter blacklist. Unfortunately it is written in mandarin and Conroy will have to wait until Rudd has run it through the google translator before making the list open to the public by hiding it in a google cache page.

    Happy fools day all !!.

    hahaha - great article!! Anonymous -- 01/04/09 (in reply to #320127394)

    I also hear that baby face John Burgess is the CIO......

    you had me going for the first few lines, nice work though!

    Happy April fools day everyone!! hahaha

    Fun is good. Sydney Lawrence -- 01/04/09

    Excellent Guys and Gals we really do need this to lighten up a bit.

    I was fooled for three and a half seconds and it was much appreciated.

    Keep a little lunacy for the real NBN it will provide plenty of laughts too.

    Someone's missing! Anonymous -- 01/04/09

    Surely there is room in the consortium for Phrendly Phil Burgess to head up consumer relations

    "this morning" Anonymous -- 01/04/09

    He held a press conference between 12:00am and 12:09am?

    Should've held onto your enthusiasm and released the article at 11am guys. :)

    ****s! Good one! Anonymous -- 01/04/09

    I was a OneTel customer to boot, and an FAI customer also (I know how to pick them!).

    Nicely done, ZDnet. Anonymous -- 01/04/09

    Well done, folks, had me going for at least a few paragraphs!

    Conroy lost in the Wilderness Anonymous -- 01/04/09

    Between last nights Q&A on SBS regarding the internet filtering government initiative and the NBN, I think Conroy has finally let the last bird out of the nest.

    It is blatantly obvious that he is clueless in regards to technology and what role the government should play, in the technology era.

    He would be better off getting a full time email administrator to review political email correspondence between ministers if he is searching for controversy.

    End of 2008 ? Anonymous -- 01/04/09

    with 100Mbps speeds to be delivered to some homes in metropolitan areas by the end of 2008 ?

    Haha Anonymous -- 01/04/09

    Had me right up to Jodee Rich!

    This bit gave it away Mel Sommersberg -- 01/04/09

    "The group, led by heirs Lachlan Murdoch and James Packer"

    James is the boss, not the heir.

    I got in trouble Anonymous -- 01/04/09

    I shouldn't read geek humour when the boss is having an important meeting in the next cubicle. It was funny but made me vocalise a little bit too much.

    I wish most of it was true! Fred Janon -- 01/04/09

    I wish most of it was true! That could have been the best option for Australians and Australia.

    It had me going Anonymous -- 01/04/09

    It had me fooled, but only because I am expecting the real announcement to be no less ridiculous.

    Secret Consortium Story Anonymous -- 01/04/09

    The sad thing is, this would not surprise anyone, given the crazy things dreamt up in the lead up.

    Allmost had me! Anonymous -- 01/04/09

    Close but no banana. As I read the first two paras I recalled OneTel. Then I read on!

    Yep, good one.

    Surprise group wins $4.7bn NBN deal Stephen Gloor -- 01/04/09

    OK you got me - I forgot it was April Fools day. Mind you I was getting a bit suspicious when the managers were named.

    "Chinese Spies" Anonymous -- 01/04/09

    Almost as funny as if forein owned Singtel/OPTUS won the poisoned NBN challace...their "spies" would have a field day!!

    Doh! Anonymous -- 01/04/09

    3 words.

    Hook, line & sinker.

    Got me.

    hahaha... good one Anonymous -- 01/04/09

    i was like... huh..??? kinda thing.. hahaha...

    Sensational... had me going !!!! Anonymous -- 01/04/09

    Fantastic effort guys..... you had me going.... Great to see some people can still enjoy a joke !

    Read 2 words and knew it was a Joke David Braunless -- 01/04/09

    Staff Writers ... funny how at midnight it actually read Suzanne Tindal.

    Great stuff Anonymous -- 01/04/09

    Not far from the truth these days!

    lol Anonymous -- 01/04/09

    I am sure that John Russel is in there somewhere....

    This is a classic! Patrick McCormack -- 01/04/09

    Just when I thought society was too serious to have a laugh, I come across this article.

    Nicely done ZDNet!

    Hahaha. Anonymous -- 02/04/09

    Wow that was sooooo hilarious, I'm glad all the geeks found it funny but come on guys that was a pretty terrible joke, now imagine most people(non geeks) laughing at you instead of with you...

    Response Peter Collinson -- 03/04/09 (in reply to #320127713)

    Wow that was sooooo hilarious...that was...pretty terrible...now imagine most people...laughing at you.

    Partly correct Scott -- 08/04/09

    Who would have thought that a 100Mbps FTTH network was actually what the government wanted. Surely going to future proof australia for years to come, or atleast catch up to the rest of the world.

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