Some other time I might talk about how most companies simply don't get the concept of customer service at all. That a paper-thin veneer of commitment, an on-hold message that claims -weknow your time is valuable", and a warm-and-fuzzy TV commercial are about as far as most companies will go. But that's a whole other rant.

Informing the relevant companies of my recent change of address ended up taking the most part of a day, during which time I think I encountered every possible variation of poorly designed Web sites, call centre procedures, and interactive voice response (IVR) and CRM systems it is possible to encounter.

Last time I moved, the Web was only just entering its big-deal phase, so the thought of changing my address online was a pipe dream. It still is. I think the closest I came to being able to change my details online was the company that directed me to fill in an online form, click submit, then print out the resulting page and fax it to them. So I hit the phones.

Several companies had IVR systems that asked me to enter my customer ID before speaking to an operator, which is supposed save the operator time and trouble.

Except, invariably, the first thing the operator would ask for was exactly the same number I had just entered. Frustrated, I asked why I had to tell the operator the number, when the company had a perfectly good IVRsystem to extract this information from me. -Most people enter the number wrong," the operator explained.

-Why bother with the IVR system at all?"
"Dunno."

In one case, the technology actually worked perfectly. fter phoning the ATO to change the address details for my tax return, I asked if a separate phone call was required to change the details on my ABN. The operator said it was. After a long to-and-fro on the second phone call, we finally worked out that when I had changed the address on my tax file number, this had automatically updated the address details on my ABN after allâ€"the second call wasn't required.

This leads me to believe that a great deal of the time the problem is not so much the technology, but the training of the staff using it. This impression was strongly reinforced when I had to change my credit card number. Realising the futility of using the Web, I phoned all the relevant companiesâ€" please enter your customer registration number followed by the hash key, we realise your time is valuable, your call may be monitored, hello, this is Nigel, can I start with your customer registration number?

All this went smoothly until I discovered my Internet banking wasn't working. The first bank staff member I spoke to told me I had to register for Internet banking with my new card number. Which I did, to discover all my automatic payments and other details had vanished. After a second call, I was informed that it was possible to transfer details between an old account and a new one, but because I had already created a new one with the new card number, I would have to create another account, with a different number. Why the details had not been transferred automatically when the new card was issued, they couldn't explain. Neither was it clear why the first staff member had not been aware of the ability to transfer the details.

While this is probably a series of boring anecdotes told by an increasingly grumpy old geezer who will soon be complaining there are too many swear words on television, there are some points many companies couldâ€"I hopeâ€"learn:

• 1. Use the Web. Had I been able to change my address online, I wouldn't have been tying up call centres with my increasingly curmudgeonly demands.
• 2. Use your head. There's no point in building extremely clever systems if it still requires three phone calls to get everything working. Make sure things that should happen automatically actually do.
• 3. Train your staff. There also no point on building extremely clever systems if your staff don't know how they work. Nw, if you'll excuse me, I've got to go complain about something.

Josh Mehlman is features editor of Technology & Busi-ness. All hate mail to josh.mehlman@zdnet.com.au..

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